


Acceptance

by joggerwriting



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Arthur is Bad at Feelings, Arthur is jealous of Lancelot knowing Merlin's secret first, Arthur is mad at Merlin because he's worried about Merlin's dangerous self-sacrificing tendencies, BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Blood and Injury, Drama, Emotional Whump, Emrys Being Powerful, Eventual Romance, Everyone Loves Merlin (Merlin), Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Lancelot (Merlin) Lives, M/M, Magical Apocalypse, Magical Exhaustion, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Merlin Saves the Day (Merlin), Merlin got hurt so bad but he still needs to save the day, Merlin saves everyone else but himself like usual, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Misunderstandings, POV Multiple, Parent Gaius (Merlin), Poor Emotionally Constipated Arthur, Post-Magic Reveal, Powerful Merlin (Merlin), Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Gwaine (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrificing Merlin, Sir Leon the Long Suffering, Temporary Character Death, arthur: this is why merlin is an idiot, emrys - Freeform, exhausted merlin, gwaine wants merlin to turn water into ale, merlin had to explain dragoon, merlin is Emrys, merlin pushes his magic past the point of endurance, merlin thinks arthur hates him, merlin whump, sir leon mentions poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joggerwriting/pseuds/joggerwriting
Summary: Ethereal gold eyes serenely peered at Arthur, his face looking like Merlin's usual earnest self, but there was an otherworldly quality that Arthur couldn't decipher. "I have a bleeding wound on my back, an arrow hole on my shoulder, a stab wound on my stomach. The magic I've used would have killed a normal sorcerer long ago. I shouldn't be alive. If I am human now, I think my human side will abide by that rule." He smiled ruefully, oblivious to the king's horror."There is only so much I can do in a physical body, even as Emrys, but I've...always done differently than what is told." Emrys gave him a small smile - more Merlin bled through the facade, but as a result, a pained expression shadowed him, and his palms hovered over Leon's fatal wound with occasional trembles giving away his weakness."Arthur, could you bring me to the lake of Avalon, once it's over? I think I'd like to be there, please."In which there is a reveal, and a struggle of acceptance, self-worth, and destiny. Arthur learns just who exactly his Merlin is, and the protector is now the one needing to be saved before it's too late.*Gradual built-up Merlin/Arthur & Merlin/Knights brotherhood. Warning: Whump*
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 97
Kudos: 487





	1. Descend

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm new to this fandom. I watched Merlin for the first time on August 2020. So this is my first attempt at writing Merlin, which is honestly a bit nerve-wracking :)
> 
> My last written work was on 2018. So I'm a bit rusty. Please be kind and I hope you enjoy!  
> Warning: I might go a bit extreme on the angst and hurt/comfort aspect.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic is revealed and the consequences are not easy for all parties involved.

They were in a battle to defend an outskirt village against a barbarian force, and Arthur had miscalculated badly. He only brought a fraction of his men - which meant that it was just him, his trusted knights, and his manservant - thinking that it would be just another skirmish, despite Merlin's worried warning on the contrary. 

.

He said as much to Merlin - _snapped_ , to be more accurate, at the idiot - his irritation rising much quicker at Merlin's audacity to question his judgement. Never-do-as-he-was-told Merlin, who uncharacteristically sounded and looked like a skittish rabbit as he hesitantly tried to warn Arthur.

A part of Arthur's heart, the part that was cut the most by what Merlin did, derived some misplaced satisfaction out of it.

.

Normally, they would fall back to their usual banter and Arthur would have such a good time, that even any quest or any mission to a battle would pass like a breeze. Everything was well with his friend at his side. But now it was terse silence.

.

...and a shattered friendship under the magnitude of Merlin's revealed secret.

.

.

Just a week ago, they were ambushed by bandits on a hunt. Arthur and his knights were caught unprepared because the bandits brought a novice sorcerer with them, who quickly cast a sleeping spell before any of them could fight. However, being a novice, the sleeping spell was lacking in power; Arthur and his knights all woke only moments later, and to their surprise, they saw Merlin of all people completely unaffected by the spell, and, there it was, the most unbelievable thing ever in Arthur's life (mind you, he had seen some pretty wild things). The goofy and clumsy servant was fighting the bandits and the sorcerer. Single-handedly. 

.

While witnessing his sweet Merlin, who usually would not hurt a single fly, actually fighting - _and winning_ \- was astonishing in itself, the next thing that Arthur's mind registered would forever be cemented as the moment that had changed his life forever.

.

Merlin, the man who usually ran for cover every time their party was attacked, stood unbelievably calm at the center of the battle. And at that moment, the weaponless servant was looking at the brutes surrounding him akin to a calculating predator eyeing his preys. The sharp blades and arrows were frozen in the air around him-- _wait what_?

.

Time slowed down, and then Merlin, with a flick of his fingers, sent the arrows back to their senders with deadly precision to the neck or heart, quickly and efficiently killed a third of the bandits. One gaze of blazing gold eyes caused thick vines to suddenly sprout from the ground and wrap around the other, hapless sorcerer, who had been trying to make a run for it. There was a grumble, and then, _amazingly_ , the ground opened up as Merlin clenched his palm into a fist.

The remaining bandits found themselves almost swallowed by the gaping soil, trapped up to their necks, not killing them but rendering them helpless without the use of their limbs.

They started to scream in fear when Merlin - he made quite the sight with those bright gold eyes - took several steps toward them. Arthur, frozen in fright, saw another bright flash of gold from his manservant's eyes, and then the screaming bandits were all rendered unconscious.

Silence fell upon the clearing.

.

It was all over in just a short moment without giving him time to process what he was seeing right there.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Leon, Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival whose eyes were also wide in shock - idly he thought, somewhat nonsensically, at least he was not alone in the dark about the fact that _Merlin_ , out of all people, had magic. This did not make any sense. _Merlin_?

Emotions of shock suddenly gave way to hurt, and then anger; it rushed through him, all of his past experiences of encountering magic, and the many times he'd been betrayed as king, culminating into one single conclusion.

.

Merlin, the one rock he'd thought would _never_ be like them. It was all lies.

.

To practice an art so dark and despicable as magic behind his back? Had not past events showed Merlin how all those who practice magic turned out to be monsters?

' _Or maybe he knows,'_ a voice in his head which sounded suspiciously like his father whispered. ' _He's known that and he still does it regardless. What does that say about his so-called loyalty? He obviously chose them over you. Chose power over you. Don't be a weak king, Arthur. Eliminate the threat before it gets dangerous.'_

_._

Arthur felt sick. _Merlin had betrayed him_.

Merlin, his manservant - and dare he say it - closest friend, possibly the only one who had seen Arthur from his best to worst and _stayed_. And maybe --- _this came from the deepest, most private part of Arthur's head, and Arthur would deny having thought of it at all_ \-- they could be something _more_.

.

.

He'd thought he knew Merlin. He'd thought Merlin trusted him. He'd thought-

.

-well, he was the fool, once more.

* * *

Camelot's secret sorcerer seemed to compose himself for a moment after the sudden silence that fell into the clearing, before turning around with the intention to undo the curse placed on his friends--- and the spell died away on his lips.

.

Arthur, Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and Percival were already awake, yet soundless, and their eyes were fixed on him while their jaws were open in shock - actually, Arthur's jaw was clenched, his usually expressive eyes closed off. Only Lancelot caught his eyes with a worried gaze, fingers grasping for the handle of his sword in preparation to defend Merlin if the worst came to happen.

.

Merlin felt as if all breath was taken away from him, his gaze was stuck at the one whose reaction mattered the most. Arthur's face, however, seemed to go through a kaleidoscope of emotions before settling on anger.

His heart sank.

.

"Arthur, I--I can explain--I-" 

"- _stop._ " The command was soft, but had a dangerous undertone.

For once, Merlin did as he was told. His mind was busily spinning, trying, and failing, to find an excuse, a cover he could give to his king - _and everything would turn out alright again, wouldn't they?_ He did not come this far only to fail on his destiny now. Arthur couldn't know about his secret! It wasn't time.

"Merlin.." the young king paused, and for one wonderful moment Merlin dared against hope that perhaps, he got it wrong. Perhaps, they hadn't seen what he did back then - or maybe they had misinterpreted it- _anything_ was better than the only other outcome which was-- 

"That was magic. You have magic."

.

Well, shite.

.

"Arthur, I--I-," Merlin faltered when he saw the sword that was slowly being unsheathed from its scabbard on Arthur's belt. Not just any sword. It was the sword he had imbued with his magic and the Great Dragon's breath. _The irony of being executed by the weapon that you gave him,_ observed the fatalistic part of Merlin's mind. He was truly screwed right now.

"A-arthur! I-," he looked down, unable to look at Arthur's betrayed eyes. "I do have magic," he said softly.

The simple sentence carried the heavy weight of Merlin's confession, of the confirmation that he was - Merlin looked down at his hands, feeling the tell-tale pinpricks of tears burning his eyes - was he such a monster? The confession felt absolutely horrible, like the last of his layers was peeled away and Arthur - alongside with his dearest friends - saw him for the freak he truly was, instead of the carefully cultivated _normal_ and carefree person he tried to be in front of his friends.

.

"- but Arthur," he gathered the last of his nerves as he looked up at the enraged king. "You must know, my magic is for you. I've always used it for you--nothing else! Please, you have to believe me Arthur, I _swear_ \--please understand, _I can show you_. Magic can be good! Look!" Merlin cupped his hands and quickly muttered a spell, then a blue butterfly flew out of his cupped palms.

There were gasps, and Merlin turned his head to look up to Arthur hopefully, desperately, with eyes still shining gold...

...only to feel a harsh hit that had his head pounding and his knees buckling at the force of the blow.

.

Cries of disbelief and anger rang around him but Merlin was still trying to reorient himself; everything around him seemed to spin. When he finally looked up, he saw Arthur, looking aghast, the hilt of Excalibur was now the one pointing at him instead of the sharp end.

"-ucking let me go that prat face crossed a fuckin' line-!"

"GWAINE! Stop, stop he's our king!" 

.

" _I thought you were going to attack me_ ," Arthur said faintly, the anger that had clouded his face disappeared for a moment, giving way to regret and a concealed compassion that Merlin usually adored; but he seemed to catch himself - and Merlin, through a still slightly fuzzy vision, saw him and the knights exchange heated words.

Gwaine's blurry form was being restrained from his fellow knight - _Leon_ , his dazed mind supplied helpfully.

"You lot don't understand!" Arthur was bellowing. "Magic is evil! Many people lost their lives because of magic, including my mother! You all saw how he killed those bandits there-"

"-Merlin doesn't kill _good_ people using magic, Princess! How is that any different than me-or you- swinging a sword?" gritted out Gwaine. "Get it in your thick head we all saw him doing magic and saving our asses! How is that evil?!"

"He might not be evil now but he will be soon!" Arthur hardened his jaw. " _Magic_ is the thing that corrupted my own sister, turned her into a monster! We would all be better off if there's not magic! Everyone who practices it is a monster in my book!"

.

All of a sudden, despair flooded Merlin's whole being and a pain like none other crept to his heart, and a sob involuntarily escaped his mouth. He felt like he couldn't breathe. _A half cannot hate what makes it whole._ Well, Kilgharrah had been wrong before and he was wrong now, because Arthur's hatred sure felt real and stabbing. 

.

"From where I'm standing, you're the monster, Arthur."

Merlin couldn't believe his ears. Lancelot. Lancelot had just said that to Arthur. Lancelot, his friend whose greatest dream was to be a knight, and had committed one of the greatest sins a sworn knight of Camelot could make: going against the king of Camelot.

"How _dare you_? Must I remind you lot to whom you are speaking? Sir Lancelot, there will be consequences to your words," he glanced sideways to Gwaine, "-and to your actions, Sir Gwaine, when we get back to Camelot."

.

Merlin widened his eyes. No, he was not worth it.

.

"Arthur! L-look, I--you can't blame them!"

"Oh, and why not, pray tell, _Mer_ lin?"

Merlin took a deep breath, pulling out his most convincing face, "You can't blame them because it is I who enchanted them."

.

There was silence, and disbelieving faces from the knights. Even Arthur looked incredulous. Merlin's face reddened.

.

"... _what_?"

.

"I-I thought you were about to kill me-there was a sword and everything, right? So, well so I needed them to do my-my bindings and I would succeed with my plan to escape, and they'll forget about everything after this enchantment ends, alright?" He turned almost-pleading eyes to the stunned Gwaine and Lancelot, silently willing them to go with his plan.

"I mean you can't possibly punish them when they don't know anything, Sire! If I'm the enchanter, I would be very insulted because you're stupid enough to target my-um-minions, not that you're not stupid enough already, and I meant all of that not in a hypothetical way, you see." He took a deep breath. Crap, he didn't mean to ramble.

"So there, see? The magic's gone. Lance and Gwaine will not remember what happened. You can ask them if you don't believe my words. You can't punish them." _Please go along with it. Play along. Go along with it._

_._

"Merls...," Gwaine began, looking at him as if Merlin was someone who was soft in the head, which, Merlin was not, despite a certain prat's claim to the contrary.

Lancelot, however, frantically shook his head, his dark eyes flicking at Arthur.

.

The king was looking at Merlin with no discernable emotion, and he was silent for a moment, before he suddenly stalked to Merlin's personal space, grabbed the front of his tunic and pushed him - not too harshly - so that his back was against the trunk of the nearest tree.

"You..." Arthur's face was close, and Merlin could see the anger that was slowly creeping back, and the lines of Arthur's face spoke of how hurt the king was. _'Because of my magic,'_ thought the warlock sadly.

"Even after you're caught with your secret, you're still _lying_ to me. How many more lies, Merlin? Has everything - they're all lies, all along?"

.

"No, that's not true, Arthur, I didn't mean-"

"I trusted you. I trusted you and look where that got me! You went practicing those foul arts behind my back! How would I ever trust anything you say anymore? How are you any different than those who put a knife in my back!"

_"Please_ , Arthur listen to me-"

"You've lost the right to address me by my name since you betrayed me!"

Merlin choked back a sob. "Sire, please! I _wish_ I never had to lie to you. But I swear to you on my life, I'm telling you the truth. I was born with magic. Everything I do, all of my magic and actions, I do it for you, and Camelot. The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. My magic is always destined to be yours."

.

.

"You've been lying for a long time, Merlin. I will never trust you again. I can never trust a traitor," Arthur whispered coldly and Merlin's face fell, tears running down his face in despair.

"Sire...I'm sorry."

.

Arthur stepped back, expression unreadable, though his hand was still on Merlin's chest.

"We will ride back to Camelot at dawn. No one is to speak a word of what happened here, and when we're back at the kingdom," Arthur turned to Merlin, who met his gaze bravely, "-you will find a way to remove that magic in you. Do not speak or show your bloody face to me until you've managed to do it, is that understood?"

.

There were gasps from the knights but Merlin was just staring at his king, frozen in anguish.

"I asked you a question, Merlin."

Having no choice, Merlin nodded miserably.

"And Merlin, if you don't succeed, the penalty is death. You know the rules." Arthur's eyes hardened. "I will not have a sorcerer and a monster in my kingdom."

.

. 

And with that, Arthur turned his back and let the warlock go, who then slid down to the forest floor and curled in on himself, silent sobs wracking his thin body. 

.

.

* * *

Everything and nothing changed at once. Arthur and his friends knew his secret now, and true to Arthur's command, they had kept it between them. The knights, bless their hearts, had surprised Merlin with their acceptance of his magic. Merlin guessed that Lancelot, who had long known about Merlin's magic, played a big part for that, and he could never be thankful enough.

.

Merlin didn't deserve a friend like Lancelot.

They treated him normally, and it was like nothing changed. Except..

Gwaine coerced him two nights after the Incident (the current consensus between Merlin and his knightly friends was absolute refusal to discuss it-or more like _Merlin_ 's absolute refusal, despite the worried glances the knights sent him, so it shall be referred as the Incident, with capital 'I'). The knight dragged him a bit too enthusiastically to the tavern despite Merlin's protests. On the bright side, Merlin _finally_ knew where the tavern was.

However, Gwaine and ale could be a chaotic combination Merlin couldn't handle right now.

"Merls," the long-haired knight had whispered conspiratorially to his ear. "Fancy doing that gold eyes thing and turn these stale water into ale? You know we could sell those 'ere and save up some coins... might set up a picnic. Jus' two of us, how 'bout that? I figure you deserve a holiday from that prat ass _princess_. _Gods,_ he's _beyond_ insufferable at training today without you."

From there, Gwaine's drunken rants had turned into a cursing Arthur session and, protectiveness for the giant dollophead aside, Merlin figured it was for the better that _he_ was the one providing a sympathetic ear rather than someone else who might rat Gwaine out for treason. His heart had warmed, though, at Gwaine's easy acceptance of his magic.

Percival and Elyan were another story. Merlin found the two of them conspicuously hovering at Gaius' door the day after his escapade with Gwaine, looking awkward and hesitant despite being clothed elegantly in Camelot's knight regalia. It was a cold morning, and Merlin could see the goosebumps on the Percival' usual bare arms. Despite everything, Merlin rolled his eyes with a smile and raised his eyebrow. "Are you two just going to stand there and freeze or are you going to come in? I've made this warm nightside concoction if you want..."

"Say no more," Elyan said, eagerly following the warlock into the room. Percival scrutinized the raven-haired young man as he passed.

"You look pale, mate. Are you-"

"-and you look like you're about to freeze your arse off," replied Merlin flatly, handing one cup to Percival and one to Elyan. "Here."

"So."

"So?"

"It's just-" Elyan, hesitated, exchanging glances with the bigger knight, "Merlin, that old man with silly robes who kicked our asses with magic in the woods-that was you, right?"

Merlin stared. That was not the conversation he'd expected.

"In what way or form do I remind you of a bloody, cranky old man, I'll have you know I'm highly-"

" _Merlin_."

The warlock chewed the inside of his cheek. "Fine, but hey! Those robes are _not_ silly," he then added indignantly. "I kicked ass in those!"

The three of them stared at each other and then broke into guffaws. 

.

"I can hardly believe it at first-" Elyan gasped in mirth, "But it fits after I remembered he-uhh you also took the blame when Gwen was accused of sorcery." The dark-skinned knight's eyes softened, "I need to thank you for that, Merlin."

"Well, it's kind of easy to guess from there, you silly sorcerer," Percival added with a fond grin.

Merlin ducked his head in embarrassment. The way they were looking at him, like he was to be admired for his deeds, was too much. Merlin didn't feel he deserved it. He'd screwed up so much.

"Wait," Elyan suddenly said, "So that means _Merlin_ pushed us into Sir Leon, knocked us out, and stepped on us to get on his horse."

"Well, I was in need of stairs! You lot graciously provided that," Merlin gave a hoarse chuckle that was frighteningly similar to his old alter ego.

Suddenly, he had to dodge Percival's attempt to headlock him - possibly for a noogie _oh no_ \- he hadn't laughed since the Incident, but the smile on his face seemed to brighten the two knights considerably, their effort a success.

.

But despite all those, there was still a huge shadow left in Arthur's wake. Merlin found out in the first morning that Arthur had truly forbidden him to go near his person, even going as far as assigning guards on the hallway to his chambers, with an instruction to drag Merlin away whenever he was near. They threw Merlin to the dungeons in the first morning when he tried to bring food to Arthur. Based on what the knights had somberly told him, Arthur was more prone to anger and violence during trainings, and also when he was in council sessions.

Merlin felt he would get mad with worry.

He'd certainly driven Gaius mad with all his fretting.

What if there was somebody trying to kill Arthur and he wasn't there? What if Arthur was kidnapped and he was too far away to stop it?

.

The only way to rectify the situation was by forfeiting his magic, as Arthur had demanded, and Merlin- _Merlin is trying, alright?_

He was not fast enough though. Not good enough.

.

_What use are all the magic and powers he has if Arthur is dead?_

This was why he was doing this. He didn't know how long it would take, a cold iron band he'd found and smuggled out the castle's dungeons seemed to only make him sick. His magic was as strong as ever when he tried. The text he'd researched stated cold irons should be effective to hold down a sorcerer's magic, and given time, drain it away.

Sadly, he was not a normal sorcerer. But he's got to try, right?

.

The sooner he'd get this to work, the lesser the risk Arthur's life would be in; but nearing the seventh day of him trying on the dull grey metal, there was _nothing._ He could still do magic, he could still feel it coursing through his veins, he was no closer to his goal, and worst of all, Arthur still hated him-all he had actually done was giving himself these perpetual, annoying shivers and headaches.

Merlin banged his wrist on the wall in frustration, the cold metal around it only produced a dull thud.

Sometimes he hated being Emrys.

"Merlin?" There were sounds of hurried footsteps. " _What in the bleeding hell are you doing with that?"_

.

Merlin flinched harshly, trying to hide, but it was too late. Sir Leon was suddenly kneeling next to him, snatching Merlin's arm, and gaped.

"Do you even know what this is?" asked Leon, alarmed. "I've seen these used to subdue sorcerers during Uther's purge. What d'you think you're doing with one? Trying to drain your magic?"

The warlock forcefully snatched his arm from the senior knight, gritting his teeth. "That's the general idea, yeah."

"And what made you think that's a good one?" Leon asked incredulously. "Merlin-"

"-look, with all due respect, Leon, shut up," Merlin interrupted flatly. "I know what I'm doing, alright? It's not like I've got any other choice!"

Leon's expression became pained for a second.

.

"I've known Arthur since he was a babe, Merlin," he began hesitantly. "He always says things he doesn't mean to in anger. We just need to give him time."

"Pretty sure he means what he said about magic, Leon," retorted Merlin, "Have you ever heard him taking a different stance, ever?"

"I believe people can change. Just look at him now, Merlin, you've changed him for the better!" When Merlin just turned his face away, Leon grabbed the warlock by the shoulders.

"Merlin, if there's anyone who can change his view on magic, it's _you."_

The raven-haired warlock shook his head. "No, I- _he hates me_ , Leon. You didn't see his face that day." Putting his face on his hands, Merlin mumbled and snorted in disgust, "I'm full of the thing he hates the most. He-he can't even look at me."

"Arthur has a funny way of showing hate then," Leon stated gently. "Did you know he banished a noble in court yesterday because the oblivious fool insulted you for not attending to Arthur for seven days? Quite the drastic measure, isn't it?" Leon smiled when he saw blue eyes widening in surprise. "On trainings, he keeps glancing at the place where you'd usually sit and watch us. Merlin, I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not looking."

Merlin was silent for a moment before sighing tiredly. "It doesn't matter, Leon. He'll always hate me now because I'm magic."

.

"Keep bloody saying you have magic in the corridors where everyone can hear, _Mer-_ lin. Good gods, you're an _idiot._ " Merlin and Leon widened their eyes in shock. "God only knows how the bloody hell you'd kept that secret for so long."

There was Arthur, in all his kingly glory, scowling darkly at them. Merlin and Leon could only gape silently at him, before Merlin noticed something.

"Did you just come out of that pillar? Arthur, what the hell were you doing eavesdropping on us?" he asked accusingly.

Arthur lost his scowl for a moment, caught off guard by the accusation thrown back at him - a move that was so _Merlin -_ before asserting himself, "I'm the king. I can do whatever the hell I like - including catching one of my most trusted knights," Leon winced, "with my manservant-"

"-okay, so now I'm your bloody manservant again," Merlin muttered angrily.

" _Merlin!"_ Arthur took a deep breath and continued, "-conspiring behind my back about magic, which is punishable by the laws of Camelot by death!"

.

"Are you going to kill me now then, Sire?" Merlin asked softly in the silence that followed. He honestly could say he'd prefer that instead of the hanging threat of execution Arthur gave him since last week if he didn't lose his magic.

Arthur stepped forward, his gaze bearing down on his manservant's blue eyes, who stared back, almost like challenging his next move. What Merlin didn't expect was for Arthur to snatch up his arm.

"That's an iron band, Merlin."

"What an astute observation, Sire," the warlock couldn't help but quipped back, before his eyes widened as he realised what he did.

Arthur was silent for a moment. "Well, take it off now," the king grouched roughly.

_"What."_

"Are you deaf as well as dumb, Merlin? Take. it. off."

"I was trying to remove my magic like you said I should!"

"Well, that's dumb-"

" _Excuse me?"_

"Take it off, Merlin. That's an order."

Merlin looked at the king prat himself, speechless.

Arthur glared, "Since you're being a stubborn idiot, _again_ , I'll be gracious and help you to take it off instead then." As quick as lightning, he grabbed Merlin's arm. "Look at you being this useless-worst manservant I've ever had, truly-looks like you've _even_ managed to give yourself the start of a fever-" he added as he brushed Merlin's _too-warm_ bare skin, before that arm was snatched back by its indignant owner.

"There's _really_ just no pleasing you, you prat," Merlin bit out, blinking his eyes to stop the moisture from forming.

He was exasperated, exhausted, and frankly, he just couldn't understand Arthur. He was already doing what Arthur wanted - and even _that_ was deemed wrong in the eyes of his king. _Merlin tried so hard_. Did Arthur really hate him that much so everything he did was never right? _Of course,_ he thought bitterly, _Merlin is all magic so he is all wrong in Arthur's eyes no matter what._

.

"Goddammit you both are stubborn idiots," mumbled Leon.

"What was that, Sir Leon?"

"No Sire," Leon replied wryly. "Just repeating some bits of a good poetry I heard in the market."

Arthur looked at him weirdly at that, before resuming his glaring at the raven-haired servant, who looked like he wanted to shrink back into the shadows.

"Well, if you both are done discussing about feelings and poetry like a couple of maidens, we have a mission up north. Words of a skirmish along Camelot's territory just reached the scouts this morning. Sir Leon, prepare the horses-and _Mer_ lin, bring the supplies and remove that damn band. You might need your-your magic-" Merlin's eyes widened in shock. "-since you're worse than a toad with a sword and armour."

* * *

That was a couple days ago.

.

So that's how they got to their current predicament now. All seven of them against more than three dozens barbarians, the burning village lay before them with their inhabitants trapped. A grizzled, towering, bear of a man seemed to be leading the group. 

Arthur tightened his jaw when he saw the man look straight at their direction and grinned, showing a set of rotting teeth. He supposed their red cloaks - barring Merlin's usual ratty jacket - emblazoned with the Pendragon's coat of arms, had announced their identities as clear as day to their enemies.

The battle was inevitable.

They charged. 

(to be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is such an oblivious doofus, don't you think? I love writing him struggling to interpret Arthur's actions and come to a completely wrong conclusion. And Arthur, well the poor sod is doing terribly with his inner conflict. I hope this conflict might come across better this time. I feel like it didn't come across the first time I wrote this. He's a lot of hard edges but there's a lot of things that are between the lines for him when it comes to expressing affection for Merlin. (at least that's what I got from the show's portrayal). He's hurt a lot by Merlin's lack of trust in him, not so much about the magic-but poor sod uses 'i hate magic' as a cover for the deeper issue. Sadly for him, Merlin is taking it at face-value. 
> 
> They really are two peas in the same pod, aren't they? 
> 
> I envision my Merlin as being in his S4-S5 mindset most likely, where he's tethering on the edge of prioritising Arthur over his destiny (hence, the dangerous self-sacrificial tendencies that come from concealed depression over his perception that Arthur has rejected magic). 
> 
> So, as you might have noticed, I've revised a lot on this chapter. Added a lot of character moments, and (this is what I enjoyed so much) Merlin's interactions with the knights. 
> 
> A lot of what will happen after _that scene_ in the next chapter hangs a lot on these interactions. That's why I can't help but add. I'm sorry I can be such a disorganized mess :')
> 
> Hope they all stay true to their characters :') Let me know what you think in the comments ^^


	2. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has to save the day again but at what cost?

Soon it was a mess of swords, sweats, blades, arrows, and blood. Arthur's men were trained well, but even then, they were quickly overwhelmed by sheer number. Percival managed to slay five men all by himself before going down with a blow to the head. Gwaine and Leon found themselves back to back and managed to fend off the enemies surrounding them for a while before Leon found a sword sticking out of his thigh and Gwaine received a slash on his chest for the precious moment he wasted as Leon was stabbed. Lancelot stayed close to Merlin.

The sudden ambush and closed-range fighting spelled disaster for the warlock, especially when he had no armour and absolutely no weapon compared to the knights. Moreover, Merlin was torn between protecting Arthur and the knights, and unfortunately for him, his magic was good when it was one on one, or when he had more range and more time to concentrate. 

Or when he actually wasn't in a constant state of exhaustion as he had been this past week. Merlin cursed himself for the umpteeth time as a wave of lightheadedness almost overcame him. Thankfully, his magic was still as strong as usual, although that was offset by his unfit condition. An arrow was already lodged into his right shoulder, further weakening him greatly. With difficulties, he used his right arm to cast magic to help Lancelot, and his left to help Arthur who was some distance away, so he did not see the slash to his back when it came.

Merlin crumpled to the ground.

Elyan tried to protect his king, but both of them were distracted by Lancelot's shout of "Merlin!". And suddenly, Arthur found himself with a sword to his neck, the huge grizzled man he saw earlier bearing down on him.

.

"Well, well, well. King Arthur Pendragon himself," The hulking man chuckled with a victorious smirk. The sounds of battle ceased around them, and the barbarians dragged all of Arthur knights and forced them to their knees, as if they were waiting for their executions. Only Lancelot and Elyan seemed to be conscious.

"Let them go," Arthur said with gritted teeth. "What do you want? You've got me. You can let them go."

"You're in no position to make demands, Pendragon," snapped the man. 

"Chief! There's a servant boy!" 

"Drag him there with the others!"

Arthur saw Merlin's limp and bloodied form and saw red. "Leave him alone, you arse! You hear me? Hey!" He called out when they continued to ignore him. "I'm the bloody King!"

One of the barbarians were talking in low voices with their leader. The man then looked up and grinned at Arthur viciously. "It seems that my men have uncovered a peculiar truth, Arthur Pendragon. What is the King of Camelot doing with a filthy sorcerer?" And to his men, he ordered, "Bring me those anti-magic bracelets. Can't take any chance." 

Arthur clamped his jaw angrily. "I don't have to explain myself to the likes of you, criminal! And he's more than a sorcerer!" The king couldn't help but speak out - he couldn't let the bastard get away with insulting Merlin, not when his manservant was still unmoving and possibly... Arthur averted his eyes for a moment from Merlin's unconscious broken body who was limply hanging on, only supported on his arms by one of the barbarian men. The king realised his mistake after the grizzly leader suddenly smirked.

"How interesting," the leader murmured, running his hand over a pair of rusty golden cuffs that one of his men had just fetched for him. Arthur didn't know why would the barbarians own anti-magic bracelets, but the thing seemed old-although the intricate druidic patterns on them were still clear to see. What concerned Arthur was that it looked different from those he'd found in Camelot.

The leader knelt down to Merlin's level, and to Arthur's dismay, clasped the cuffs on his servant's thin wrists. He saw Lancelot and Elyan struggling against their captors, their eyes looking at the grizzled man furiously.

"No! Don't-" Arthur tried to say and grunted when his neck met the sword's point again.

.

Then something nobody expected happened. Once the clasps were fastened on his wrist, Merlin screamed. It was an inhumane, horrific sound which seemed to echo through each person in the vicinity, full of pain unbearable and heartbreaking.

Even the barbarians and the villagers held hostage were all affected.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM? WHAT DID YOU DO? RELEASE HIM!" Arthur could only scream himself hoarse, joined by Lancelot and Elyan. Still screaming, Merlin started to convulse on the ground.

"That sorceress didn't say this would happen," the barbarian whispered, part in wonder, part in twisted delight.

.

Then, suddenly Merlin's eyes snapped open, shining bright gold instead of their usual soft blue.

Everyone was shocked into silence.

.

Suddenly, there were choking sounds all around. The men holding the knights suddenly found themselves suffocated. They immediately dropped their captives and started clawing at their own necks. The sword at Arthur's neck was suddenly dropped due to its holder being suddenly flung into a jutting rock formation, before falling still.

.

"W-what!? What's happening? _How is this possible?_ I've restrained his magic!" The barbarian leader exclaimed in full-blown panic, his eyes were staring at the golden-eyed magic user with fear and slowly dawning-comprehension.

The barbarian men around them quickly took out their weapons, pointing them at Merlin who slowly, unbelievably, rose from his prone position on the ground.

Arthur got shaken out of his own surprise, before cursing because he couldn't find his sword anywhere near his person. Despite what happened between him and Merlin, he could not let that idiot get skewered by three dozen men. He needed to reach Merlin. He needed-

Arthur froze. A shield of shimmering gold was formed around him and his knights, effectively separating them from Merlin and the rest of their enemies.

.

Lancelot surged forward and put his palms on the shield, staring at the semi-translucent wonder with dread.

"Arthur! We need to convince Merlin to let us out and help him!"

That shook Arthur into action from his amazed stupor, and quickly he tried to look around for a way but found that the shield was all-around, like a dome of protection, and there was no way to rejoin his selfless idiot of manservant slash sorcerer.

"MER-LIN!" _Of all the idiotic things that he did..._

"You damn clotpole, _Mer_ lin! This is an order from your king! Put this shield down or--or I'll have you scrub my floors. _Twice!"_

_'Really, Sire. That's the best threat you can do?'_ Was it his imagination or did he just hear Merlin's amused voice in his head? _'Hmm I suppose it's only fair since you gave me a week of unsolicited holiday, you prat. Who would've thought I would miss cleaning your floors? But of course.. I am happy to be your servant 'till the day I die, Arthur, even though you're such a clotpole. That's still my word, by the way.'_

A familiar resence which brought about the all-encompassing feeling of fondness, only tainted by a slight tone of sadness toward the end, breezed through Arthur's mind, and left as fast as it came, like the caress of a summer wind--and Arthur was filled with dread.

_Merlin, you idiot. Don't you dare do something stupid_.

.

Merlin stared at the men pointing their blades at him, feeling glad that he was able to erect the ward around Arthur and the rest of his friends. They would not be hurt anymore today, he vowed. Now, to figure out how to save the villagers...

It was as if he was floating on air, the magic he was both familiar and unfamiliar with enveloping him in its embrace-for once, unleashed and much stronger than his last feeble grasp to control it. All Merlin knew was that he'd been out of it when they put the cuffs on him, and pain like he never knew before immediately ran through his veins-then his whole body, his every cell, and his very _being_. He once told Gaius that he'd rather die if he could not do magic, and over the years, Merlin slowly comprehended his whole reason of existence, and of the magic that was running through his blood like oxygen was to normal humans. A part of him hated it, hated that he had come to Camelot in hopes that he might find people like him, that he might belong at last, only to find out that he even stood out among other sorcerers. A freak of nature. A monster.

.

Or a creature of the Old Region, as Kilgharrah had told him.

.

Merlin's magic had always been instinctual, but this-- _this_ was on a whole new visceral level because the next thing he knew, his innate protectiveness had commanded his magic to shield his friends with nothing but just a thought. He and his magic, at last became one whole, unrestricted as Merlin finally let go of his control. He saw in his magic sense, rather than his eyes, the men with their pointy sticks - and how the earth beneath their feet was eager to answer his call; or how the breeze around them had suddenly stopped swirling in their natural course, and gathered around him, mapped each and every arrow pointed at him; and Merlin could feel the build-up of power behind each draft of air, prepared to lash out in an angry flurry - not unlike a mother whose child was threatened.

The clear afternoon sky had given way to an ominously overcast sky, and the young warlock, with eyes blazing a gold brighter than anything seen on earth, stood at the center of the maelstrom, and stared impassively at the three dozens men surrounding him and the terrified villagers. The bloody rust golden bracelets that were still binding his wrists made him look like the image of vulnerability, but it was severely offset by the way the fragile-looking warlock carried himself, not to mention the golden eyes that currently _froze_ all of his armed enemies.

"Last chance to drop your weapons and go away."

.

Arthur sucked in a breath and wondered if Merlin ever knew the meaning of self-preservation.

.

The barbarian leader was sporting an indecipherable expression, and obviously was not unsettled as the rest of his men. "Brave words, boy, for someone about to die! On the contrary, killing you would be more of an achievement than killing the king of Camelot himself! The glory in all five kingdoms and beyond that my men and I will get for felling a legend!" proclaimed the man to the confusion of his men as well as Arthur. Besides him, Lancelot cursed under his breath.

The barbarian smirked.

"Those in Camelot are fools, but many who haven't been brainwashed by Pendragon's lies and hatred of magic know different. Isn't that so, _Emrys_?"

.

The man eyed the silent Merlin hungrily.

"The most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the earth! Magic incarnate! Or so the legends say. You don't look that powerful to me, boy!"

.

"Alright, what the hell?" Arthur managed to mutter amid his shock and confusion. His confusion was echoed by Elyan.

"Good gods Merlin," sighed Lancelot, both exasperation and realisation dancing in his eyes.

"Do you understand what he said?" asked Arthur incredulously to the one person who seemed to understand better than him throughout this whole ordeal.

Elyan just looked at his king blankly, before looking at his fellow knight who had known Merlin's secret longer than any of them had, but Lancelot just shook his head and closed his eyes, giving a weary sigh.

"Arthur, I don't want to take Merlin's place in telling you the details about his secret. This is his right. Just please give him a chance, he'd want that-"

"That's easy for you to say. You've known about Merlin's magic all along!" Arthur whispered furiously. "He told _you_ , but not me."

"He-Arthur, I don't think he ever meant for me to find out too. I caught him doing his magic when we-," the knight smiled faintly, "-well more like when _he,_ killed the griffin."

"You're telling me _Merlin_ killed the griffin."

Lancelot shrugged, "Always felt guilty for taking the credit. So now you know know." The dark-haired man stared at his king seriously. "Arthur, please give him a chance to explain everything. We've been trying to tell you for a week! Magic is not evil. Just look at him! How can he be evil? Merlin has done plenty with his magic, more than even I could possibly understand, but it's all for you and the protection of Camelot."

"But why," Arthur was at loss for words. "It's not-it's not about the magic. It's just-he never told me," Arthur muttered. "Why would he--what that bastard's saying about Merlin, is that true?"

Lancelot smiled wryly. "Merlin's never told me about that bit either."

.

Merlin only tilted his head, almost curiously, and stared at the barbarian leader who started to falter when he failed to get a rise from the boy. Maybe he was wrong about this boy being the mighty Emrys. Did the boy even know who or what Emrys was? Or was he truly just a simple-minded fool of a servant boy whose latent magic made a flashy awakening? Was his bluff wrong?

"Nothing to say? Gods, maybe I am wrong about you. Tell you what boy, for what you did to my men here, we will mutilate your body and make your king watch as his own men burn, and then kill him myself and feed him to--" the leader cut off his monologue with a scream before dropping dead, half of his body burned. Merlin had called a lightning bolt from the sky and fried the man.

Silence.

.

"I've given you all a chance to live," Merlin said in a deadly whisper.

His quiet statement nevertheless echoed across the field as he stood tall, more dangerous and more regal than any of his friends had ever seen him. The magic weaving heavy around him like a cloak to the naked eyes. 

Although genuinely terrified, the simple-minded barbarians did the only worse thing they could have possibly done. Well, nobody said these men were the brightest pods. They started to attack the threat who had killed their chief leader in that particularly gruesome way.

For the nth times since the revelation of Merlin's secret, Arthur could only watch as the one-sided battle between his handcuffed servant - _the same Merlin who cries at the sight of deer, rabbits and unicorns killed_ \- and almost three dozens men with various sharp weapons began. Forget battle, it was a bloody _massacre_. 

And it was a sight so surreal Arthur was almost sure he'd dream it all up, except even he, in his dreams, could not stand the sight of Merlin being that hurt, so this would have been a nightmare.

Merlin didn't even flinch at the sounds of multiple arrows whizzing past the air toward him - only to meet Merlin's own controlled air flows, coupled with magic, which grabbed the arrows mid-destination and launched them back to their shooters. Ten archers found their _own_ arrows going through their necks in the blink of an eye.

Merlin's bound arms were surrounded with swirling gold strands of magic as he raised them and propelled the five attackers closest at him to the air.

.

He spun around and duck as one axe passed the space where his head had been, and threw out his arms, a sudden firestorm descended around him. The cries of pain and the burning flesh of dying barbarians filled the air.

The remaining barbarians looked so freaked out at the sudden turn of the battle against them; they practically abandoned the villagers in hostage and moved to attack the singular force of nature wreaking havoc on their dreams of pillaged riches and bloodlust.

.

Breathing heavily, the warlock swept his arms and raised his palms at the incoming men, and then closed his fists, before making a sharp gesture downward. The earth opened up in a jagged chasm around his targets and swallowed them before closing, burying them in a magic-made grave, forever.

Now, even with the strength of his magic numbing down his wounds, and lending him strength to do what he needed to do, he started to feel the dizziness pounding his head and the growing burns of his still-cuffed wrists, and he staggered back and gasped in pain when a thrown dagger caught his side. _But he can't stop now. There are still threats to Arthur's life._

Wrenching the dagger out of his side, Merlin threw it back to the thrower and hastily erected a shield above his head just a moment before a broadsword would have cleaved him in two. But because he used a shield, the other ward-shield he'd been maintaining around Arthur and the rest of his friends, in turn, flickered before it disappeared.

_'No, I can't protect them anymore!'_ A thought ran through the warlock's exhausted mind, somewhat faintly yet hysterically.

One panicked shove of his magic threw some of his attackers to the air, then Merlin flared his magic open forcefully, and his senses detected there were ten threats he still had to finish off.

"MERLIN!"

Arthur's voice.

.

Merlin called two bolts of lightning in quick succession to strike the two barbarians nearest to Arthur, but when he tried to continue to the third, he was suddenly overcome with black spots in his vision. He almost fell back if not for the sudden awareness of a threat swinging a sword at him - he missed that in his concentration to assess the threats nearest to Arthur. Merlin threw a small fireball at his attacker, and spun on his heel to avoid yet another barbarian desperately coming at him. This man was curiously unarmed, and _huge._

He managed to get into Merlin's personal space and would have bludgeoned into him if not for the tip of a sword sticking out of his chest at the last moment. 

Then he fell on Merlin's feet.

"Merlin! You _idiot,_ he almost killed you! I know you've never learned about battle strategy, but _Mer_ lin, I'm sure an idiot like you must have the common sense of striking the enemies _closest to you_ before any other?"

Arthur's face swam into Merlin's view. A hand on his shoulder.

.

"That's the last of 'em!" Gwaine's voice was suddenly heard. The previously unconscious knight was awake and leaning on Elyan, a grin stretched across his face. Two barbarians lying dead on their feet. Between Elyan and Lancelot, they had managed to wake up the slightly-concussed Percival as well, and the latter was now tending to Leon who was still unconscious, trying to stem the blood that was pouring out of the senior knight. Lancelot was also looking at Merlin worriedly.

"That was awesome, Merls! You flattened a whole arse army! Don't know why Princess is so hung up 'bout magic, 'cause your magic is the hottest and most awesomest thing I've ever--"

_"Merlin?_ Hey, mate, are you alright?" Lancelot started to approach Merlin and Arthur. "Merlin, where are you going?" 

Merlin's eyes were strangely still burning amber without him doing magic at all, and he wasn't responding to Arthur's or Lancelot's calls. Rather, he had turned back and walked to where Leon was laying, face peculiarly blank and eyes simultaneously seeing and unseeing at once. His movement was stiff, like he was being controlled by some other force -- _or magic_ , Arthur thought, feeling strangely helpless as he followed Merlin, kneeling down next to his manservant - _no, friend -_ the crushing guilt he'd been feeling rendered him hesitant.

"Merlin," he called again, softly. "Hey, let's get Leon to Gaius too, alright? Let me take a look at you too, you idiotic clotpole. You're bleeding like an idiot you are and we don't want you fainting like a girl's petticoat you usually are, do we?"

"Arthur!" Lancelot had also kneeled in front of them. He was looking at Merlin with uncharacteristic confusion and fear. "I don't think this is Merl-"

"I'm needed to do one last thing," Merlin suddenly spoke, fixing them with his unnatural golden stare. "Do not fear, Lancelot. I am Merlin and Merlin is me. I'm the part of Merlin without his human needs and limitations."

.

"Emrys," Lancelot breathed.

"Yes, and no," Merlin-or rather, _Emrys_ -smiled faintly. "As I said, I'm still Merlin, just with more...unrestrained magic than usual." He cocked his head and stared at Arthur. "I wish you didn't hate me so bad, Arthur. Merlin--I have been trying to suppress this part of me so hard because Merlin loves you so much and one day," the golden-eyed warlock suddenly turned serious, "he--I will succeed and I will disappear, but so will Merlin because he and I are essentially the same being."

"What?" Arthur choked out. _Merlin loves me too._ He was still reeling from what this....side of Merlin had revealed when his brain registered the rest of the sentences. 

"Did you mean Merlin will die?"

"Yes," the magical being stated promptly, Merlin's usual tack and tendency to sugarcoat things for his loved ones absent. "That's what happens when magic is taken away from someone who is magic itself."

As Arthur and Lancelot became horrified by the revelation - Arthur, his stomach twisting with the implication of just _what_ exactly Merlin was trying to accomplish when he caught him just a couple days ago, Merlin's cuffed and burned hands had moved to straighten Leon's leg with a physician's grace.

"Merlin!" Arthur began after seeing the state of Merlin's hands and became even more horrified, "For God's sake, take off those damned bracelets off you and get your hands looked at."

"He's going to bleed to death. The blade cut a major artery."

"What?"

Golden-eyed Emrys gave him with an exasperated glance that was so _Merlin..._ so familiar, and so _human_ , that a lump started to form in Arthur's throat. "Sir Leon is dying," he said softly. "There's no way he would survive a trip to Camelot. Arthur, once I've done this, I have to let go."

"....let go? Merlin, again _what_?"

"Arthur, these bracelets, they aren't like the cold irons... they're designed to deprive _someone like me_ of their magic. I'm no normal sorcerer, Arthur," his face fell at this and Arthur's heart constricted. "To me, this feels like my blood is slowly being drained of oxygen." Horror immediately filled Arthur and Lancelot's faces. _How could Merlin stand, much less fight? Scratch that, how is Merlin still alive?_

"We've got to take those off then!" Lancelot shouted in panic.

The warlock shook his head, expression still serene. Shining gold eyes intently peered at Arthur, his face somehow looking like Merlin's usual earnest self, but somehow, there was a sort of otherworldly wisdom and quality that Arthur couldn't decipher. "I have a bleeding sword wound on my back, an arrow hole on my shoulder, a knife stabbed my stomach, and the amount of magic I've used would have killed a normal sorcerer long ago. By all rules, I shouldn't be alive. If I am human now, I think my human side will abide by that rule." He smiled ruefully, oblivious to Arthur and Lancelot's growing trepidations.

"There is only so much I can do in a physical body, even as Emrys, but I... I've always done differently than what is told." Emrys gave him a small sad smile - more Merlin bled through the facade, but as a result, a pained expression shadowed the smile, and his palms hovered over the would-be fatal wound on Leon's leg with only a slight tremble giving away his weakness. He hesitated. _Could he have just this one thing? He won't ask anything else once everything is done._

"Arthur, could--could you bring me to the lake of Avalon, once it's over? I think I'd like to be there, please."

"No! I forbid you from doing this. There must be another way! Don't you dare let go! _Merlin!"_ Arthur's hands suddenly clasped his, horror-filled blue eyes met resigned gold eyes.

.

"I'm sorry."

.

Beautiful, ethereal golden tendrils of magic filled the air around them as they went out of Merlin's palms and worked to heal Leon's leg. Arthur was still holding Merlin's hands when he saw Merlin closed his eyes in pain, screaming for the warlock to stop, but it was falling on deaf ears. He saw blood started to pour down from Merlin's nose and mouth--the horrific effect of damaging magical and physical exhaustion which was long held at bay by the sheer power of his magic.

Unbidden dread filled the king's heart.

" _No!_ You damn clot-pole! Stop this!" Arthur all but screamed, his own eyes tearing up in desperation. No man's worth your tears, his father had said. But his father was so wrong about magic too, wasn't he? A wrong that Arthur did not immediately rectify, a wrong that might cost him his dearest friend, _his Merlin_ , right now.

Finally, _after an excruciatingly too-long amount of time in Arthur's perception_ ,the flow of magic seemed to snap before ebbing away back to the young warlock again, who fell like a lifeless doll cut from its strings, straight into Arthur's waiting arms. By that time, the other conscious knights had surrounded them. One of them might have shouted something about how the wound on Leon's leg had been perfectly closed, or how Leon was waking up, but Arthur did not hear any of them.

.

He cradled Merlin close, and with a gentleness reserved for Merlin and Merlin only, he tenderly turned over his warlock's body and lowered him to the ground. Merlin's eyes were closed, his face peaceful and pale, although the blood was still running down his nose and mouth. Arthur's arm supported Merlin's back as he hugged the warlock on his lap, and he could feel the blood from Merlin's wounds on his back and side, starting to pool around the two of them.

"Oh gods, Merlin," Gwaine stated the horror everyone felt at the sight of their Merlin so bloodied, so wounded, and laying limply on Arthur's arms - especially after the display of power Merlin had shown just a while ago. The sight of their king broken and in tears as he held Merlin in his arms had not even phased them, as they also cried at the state of their beloved friend.

"Sire," Leon whispered weakly in the horror-stricken silence that had befallen the knights. "Is Merlin-?"

With a trembling hand, Arthur brushed Merlin's neck to check his pulse, and found it weak and thready. It was not much of an encouragement, because he could barely feel Merlin's breathing, but it was something. The warlock's body felt so limp - _so lifeless_ \- his head just lolled back against Arthur's arm, so Arthur carefully nestled him on his shoulder and tightened his hug. Merlin was so cold and pale - _almost translucent due to the blood loss_ ; he became desperate to transfer some warmth into the dying form of the one dearest to his heart.

Arthur looked up to the sight of his knights, all helplessly staring in terrified horror at the young man laying on the king's arms. They had fallen to their knees. A distance away from them, the rescued villagers had also stood by and were staring at their fallen saviour mutely. No hatred was present for the magic Merlin had used to save them, nor fear for the incredibly destructive potential it had, as shown by the barbarians' bodies still laying around the field.

No, only murmurs of concerns went through the crowd - some children and mothers present actually had tears in their eyes as they stared at the young servant boy held on their king's arms.

"He's...he's still alive. We- we need to bring him home. Bring him to Gaius," Arthur said brokenly to his knights. 

Scattered exhales of relief were heard.

"But Camelot's three days away from here, Sire." 

.

Everyone was silent following the grave realisation. Three days. It was clear Merlin wouldn't last that long without any treatment.

.

"Our village has been burned to the ground, Your Highness. We regret we cannot provide more to help him," an old women suddenly spoke, her eyes sad.

Lancelot stepped forward and knelt on Merlin's side. "We've got to try," he said as he looked sadly at his dearest friend's bloodied form. "We've got to try all we possibly can. Merlin saved us all with all he could and even more." He pulled off his cloak and started to press down at the large wound on Merlin's side, trying to stem the flow of his friend's precious life force before it was too late.

.

"Can someone bring me my sword? Quickly," Arthur said.

Cries of "Sire!" and "Arthur!" were heard, and a particularly strongly-worded curse from Sir Gwaine. 

"These damned bracelets must come off," explained the king hurriedly, slightly insulted at the lack of trust from his knights, but he supposed he deserved it after what he did to Merlin just a week ago. Arthur held Merlin's wrists gently, not wanting to hurt him anymore than he already had. His mind flashed to a moment just days ago, feeling a sick sense deja vu, when he found the warlock with one band around his right wrist, so desperate to fulfill a terrible command Arthur gave in the heat of the moment. There was a horrible, heavy sensation of guilt settling on his stomach. Arthur felt sickened by himself as he carefully cradled those limp hands. 

The servant's bony wrists were lacerated with old and fresh burns - the latter were red, huge and inflamed, the testament of Merlin doing the impossible and forcing his magic through the restraints. Excalibur gleamed against the rusty bracelets as Arthur cut the cuffs carefully. He'd always suspected his sword was special due to magic, and the ever-presence spark of magic from the sword seemed to leap to welcome their owner when it got near Merlin's arms, which confirmed Arthur's suspicion of _whose_ magic it was from.

He laid the sword next to Merlin after he was done. Maybe the sword's magic could bolster its owner's dying one.

The burns looked worse under the cuffs - it was like someone had put Merlin's wrist through a grinder. Flaying burned flesh decorated his warlock's skin, and Arthur felt nausea just by looking at them. After taking several deep breaths and blinking back his tears, Arthur allowed an exceptionally silent Gwaine, who had come with emergency bandages he'd acquired from Merlin's pack, to hold Merlin's limp wrists and to bandage the burns. While he was adjusting Merlin's body which was half-laying on Arthur's lap, Arthur heard a quiet whimper from the warlock.

They froze.

.

"Merlin?"

Arthur's right hand gently wiped away the blood on Merlin's face. Then, he caressed his warlock's cheekbones in an attempt to get Merlin to respond to him. At this point, he no longer cared who were watching them.

"Come on, you idiot, we're going home." There. A slight wheeze of breath as Merlin seemed to fight his way into breathing normally again. Another quiet whimper. Arthur's heart clenched at the pain he could hear from the small sound. But then, always the unexpected fighter, Merlin's breath hitched, and despite being weaker than a newborn kitten, his eyelashes fluttered open.

The gold seemed to recede into Merlin's beautiful blues, and the sight of those familiar eyes brought a teary smile to Arthur's eyes. "Hey, welcome back. What do you usually say? Rise and shine lazy daisy? Wakey wakey? Look at you worrying us all with sleeping away your lazy arse."

.

"...A-Ar-thur."

"You're not allowed anymore to exhaust your magic or use it in any way that damages _you_ , do you hear me? You're a colossal idiot, Merlin." Arthur's tears started to fall. "You know what, I'm making them new laws when we get back. Oh, and you're going to the stocks afterwards for not listening to me."

"I--," Merlin gasped in pain and involuntarily closed his eyes again.

"Hey, hey," Arthur immediately held him close, "Just--just concentrate on breathing alright? Or should I make it a new law too since you never seem to listen to me?" Although he expected that, Arthur was saddened to see Merlin didn't respond to that. In fact, Merlin's breathing seemed to worsen, and Arthur's chest tightened with every small wheezing breath the warlock took. A small trickle of blood came out of the corner of his mouth, and Arthur quickly wiped it with his thumb, his hand cradling the back of Merlin's head in his desperation to ease Merlin's hurt.

The king had never been so glad when he saw Merlin's big blue eyes opened again; he was now staring at Arthur's face as if memorising every detail of it. There was a lump in Arthur's throat and he could not help it. He bent his head down and carefully kissed his warlock's forehead.

"You've got to be alright, okay? We're almost finished wrapping you up so we can get home soon," Arthur whispered softly, heart plummeting down seeing the tears that welled in Merlin's eyes. 

One of Merlin's bandaged arm--the one that Gwaine had just finished dressing--twitched, and with herculean effort, Merlin lifted it up to Arthur's face. Arthur saw the movement and immediately grasped Merlin's hand, holding it in place. The warlock's burned fingers moved in a feeble attempt to wipe away Arthur's tears, while Merlin's own spilled down his cheeks as he smiled through the pain.

No words were exchanged.

.

_But Merlin's only got one chance to say it._

.

"A-Arthur...," his voice was such a strained whisper that Arthur leaned closer to hear them. "I... I love you," he breathed, closing his eyes, the image of his beloved's face seared in his mind. He was no longer looking at Merlin in disgust. That was all he ever wanted. He could rest now, and let go. Arthur and his friends are safe. His job is done.

His breath came out in a harsh gasp. "....t-thank you, Arthur.."

' _Goodbye'_ Merlin's voice whispered in Arthur's mind.

.

And his hand fell down from Arthur's grasp to the earth as he blew out one last painful breath.

.

.

When Arthur frantically tried to find his pulse, he was already gone.

.

.

Unbeknownst to the stricken king and his knights, at the same moment, the earth cried out for the loss of magic, for the loss of _Emrys,_ and all magic users in the land felt it in their cores. One old physician fell to his knees with anguish in his heart.

"Oh, my boy," he whispered.

(to be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I just kill Merlin on my first fic? Hahaha.  
> Not to worry, next chapter will come in soon and we'll see our heroes happy once more ^.^
> 
> Sorry, guys, I feel really bad for hurting Merlin so much. You know, an interesting thing about Merlin's character is that he's depicted as the saviour in the show, but I love how Colin Morgan imbued him with this endearing vulnerability. Like he's simultaneously the badass but also the one we want to hug and wrap in blankets to protect him from the world. I tried to capture that quality in this fic. I hope the fight scene is decent and the h/c is not too overboard :')  
> 
> 
> Another thing I'm so interested to explore is Merlin's Emrys role. I know it seems like Emrys is a different entity in this fic but he's still Merlin. I remember when Balinor said Merlin is magic itself, the son of the earth, the sea, and the sky, and that's apparently an aspect of him being Emrys. That's the aspect I'm intrigued to explore. You might notice the emphasis on the elements used during the battle.


	3. The Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More emotional whump on Arthur's part this time. I'm sorry. I just had to take his Merlin away from him for a lil bit okay :')

It was like time stopped and nothing ceased to matter anymore to Arthur. How could they be when it felt like his soul had just been ripped off?

This felt different from when his father had died. He was both reeling from the loss of the last of his family and the weight of the crown. But then again, Merlin had been there. Merlin had _always_ been there.

.

Merlin was there when he woke. That loyal idiot had actually spent the night outside his chambers, sleeping on the floor.

> _"I don't want you to feel that you were alone."_

Loyal, brave and caring Merlin, whose devotion Arthur had never felt he'd deserved. It unconsciously pushed him to be a better king, to be a better _man_ who might one day deserve Merlin's loyalty and hope in him.

.

And he had repaid that by calling Merlin a traitor and a monster.

.

Merlin had died not knowing how Arthur wished to take back every harsh word, every harsh treatment he ever did _...._ Arthur desperately wished he had more time to let Merlin know that _he was loved back_. That Merlin...Merlin was the best thing in Arthur's life and he would never know how much he was loved, how much he was appreciated, how much impact he had on Arthur's life....or how much Arthur thought his magic was endearingly beautiful - just like how Merlin was in person. 

> _"I--I love you."_

"Please," Arthur said in a broken whisper, to anyone, any god, any higher power who was listening. "Please give me one more chance." His fingers finally fell from Merlin's pale neck, looking for a sign of life but could find no more. So he just gathered his warlock's still body close, and buried his face on messy raven hair - the sobs he'd been holding back broke and fell on Merlin's head.

" _Please_. Don't-don't take him away."

.

He was so still in Arthur's arms. So quiet. Merlin had never been quiet. He was always the one talking too much. Smiling too much. Bouncing around following Arthur. Prattling about some nonsense about nature, potions ingredients, the sweetcakes he snatched from the kitchen or Arthur's own breakfast, or whatever else _Merlin_ things he needed to ramble about as he worked. Running around the kingdom clumsily doing his chores. Tripping on his own feet. Saving the kingdom and Arthur's life......

.

An incurable ache formed deep within Arthur's heart. 

Pressing a trembling kiss on the crown of Merlin's head, Arthur pulled away, the tears had blurred his vision now. He looked at the warlock's face, one of his arms cradling the raven locks.

Merlin.... looked so peaceful in death, not unlike all those times Arthur found him asleep and had to shake and order him to do his job.

The king swallowed a lump down his throat.

"I love you." The words came out as a whisper of regrets and broken promises. 

He ran his fingers down Merlin's cheek, wiping away a streak of blood that had marred his warlock's face. There were tear tracks on those pale cheeks, and Arthur tenderly, carefully, rubbed them away with his thumb, his finger passing over Merlin's closed eyes - and his breath hitched. The onslaught of emotions threatened to engulf him.

He wished fervently those beautiful eyes would open, whether they were their usual soft blue or those incredible gold - Arthur no longer cared. And traitorous sobs finally escaped his mouth.

_"_ I've always loved you..."

The skin under his hand was getting colder, and he leaned down, foreheads touching, foolishly hoping to transfer some of his warmth.

.

But Merlin would always be cold, pale and lifeless. And there was nothing that Arthur could do to change it. No more chance for him.

Arthur closed his eyes, numb with overwhelming grief. 

> _"Could-could you bring me to the lake of Avalon, once it's over? I think I'd like to be there, please."_

He gently lay Merlin down, before taking off his own cloak and wrapping it around the servant's wounds-littered body. 

"Arthur.." Leon's hand grabbed his shoulder. The senior knight's eyes were full of great sorrow and lingering guilt as he looked at the young man who had warmed his way to everyone's heart, who had also become his friend, a comrade in battle - practically one of the their own with how Merlin was always with them whenever Arthur and his closest knights went to battle. He was the simple servant who stunned everyone with his bravery and loyalty - and as Leon had learned, the secret sorcerer who had protected them from the shadows....and made Leon see just how incredibly wrong Uther's _genocide_ was. 

The blood of innocent magic users was on their hands - Sir Leon, after all, had been one of Uther's knights just blindly following orders - and now it seemed that they had taken away one more innocent magical blood. ' _The price is too heavy. Camelot might not be able to bear it this time'_ , thought the senior knight in great remorse, his own heart breaking at how young and innocent Merlin looked as he was laying there.

"...let's bring him back home, Arthur. We'll give him a proper funeral."

"He can't be dead!" Sir Gwaine all of a sudden exclaimed hoarsely, eyes wild as he staggered forward to where Merlin was laid. "Merls, wake up!" Pushing a surprised Arthur aside, he crouched down besides his dearest friend, cupping a too-pale, too-cold face in his palms.

"Gwaine!" Lancelot tried.

"No, no, no, this can't be happening! He's still alive-see? Merls' just exhausted 'cause damned princess' working him too hard! Just need to fix 'im up and he'll be alright. Right, Merlin? Merlin? Merls please-"

The other knights watched on helplessly as the usually fun-loving man broke down in quiet hysterics, and their king just looked on numbly after being pushed aside - that was, until Sir Gwaine suddenly turned around, grief and rage in his eyes, and delivered a punch to Arthur in the nose.

"Sir Gwaine!"

There were cries from the knights and Lancelot quickly moved to hold back Gwaine's arms. His strength was put to test when Gwaine flailed around, trying to escape his hold, screaming incomprehensible profanities along the way to a silent Arthur.

"Do you still hate magic now!? _Do you_!" yelled the hysterical knight, tears streaming down his face but his eyes burned with grief-fueled rage. "We all thought you were different from your father, Arthur Pendragon! But you are all the same," he spat. "All nobility are fucking similar."

"Gwaine, stop this madness! Merlin wouldn't have wanted-"

"Merlin!" the knight roared, a howl of grief broke out of him. "Didn't give Merlin a chance when he needed it, did you," Gwaine growled dangerously, ignoring Lancelot's attempt for reason. 

Arthur was silent, his eyes were still red as he turned to look at Merlin brokenly, mournfully - not even attempting to respond to Gwaine's treasonous words.

"Well, he got his damned wish then," the knight proclaimed loudly, a glint of madness in his eyes, staggering as if he was drunken. "He can burn Merlin on a pyre like the rest of his kind his father murdered!"

.

"I would never do that. I wouldn't have - I could never do that." Arthur said quietly, his eyes still not looking at any of his knights, just staring at Merlin's body, almost unseeing. "...not to Merlin."

"Gentlemen, please!" Lancelot tried once more. "Have more sense! Merlin wouldn't have wanted you two to be fighting. Not now, _please_ , not when he's..." he trailed off, pain colouring his face as he took several shaky breaths. "Get a hold of yourself, Gwaine!"

The enraged knight seemed to come down to himself as his eyes passed Merlin again, the fire in his eyes extinguished. He just sagged, looking like a lost puppy. Gwaine wordlessly watched as Arthur fussed over the red cloak covering the grievous wounds on Merlin's slight figure and started to lift him up.

.

"Allow me, Sire," Percival moved from behind them, his voice soft. "I...I have carried him before."

But the king just silently shook his head. He needed to do this.

Arthur gently slid an arm under Merlin's knees and the other under his shoulders, and he realised how light Merlin was, even with the heavy cloak bundling him. Did he ever eat right? All those times he berated his servant for taking one or two sausages from him-was it because he was never provided enough food?

Arthur never noticed.

Just like he had never noticed a lot of things about Merlin before it was too late. Never reciprocated the care and love Merlin had given him.

.

He briefly closed his eyes in grief. The least Arthur could do was to give Merlin his final wish.

"We'll go to the lake of Avalon then," he muttered softly.

Merlin's head was laying on his shoulder, looking for all the world as if he was merely sleeping, soft raven hair brushing Arthur's face. He looked almost angelic due to his peaceful expression - something Arthur realised he rarely saw, and now he knew why Merlin was always lethargic, looking around for dangers behind Arthur's back. His very own guardian angel.

His heart clenched.

Occasionally, he had imagined Merlin, on his arms like this, deep in the secret privacy of his chambers at nights. Sometimes, those dreams involved them running away to a farm, away from the kingdom and all the responsibilities; and Merlin would be on his arms, the sun bringing the blues of his irises brighter as his warlock looked at him with that characteristic _Merlin_ expression, half-fond and half-exasperated.

They were supposed to be happy, free to be _just_ Arthur and Merlin.... but that dream came true in the most twisted and horrible way imaginable.

* * *

The sky was overcast. The sun seemed to disappear as they rode through the woods somberly, painting the world around them a dull gray. They could hear the sounds of wind howling from far away, and the trees rattling slightly, but getting progressively worse as they went. The forest was unusually silent; the usual chirping of birds and insects were absent, and the bright greens of their surrounding seemed to be covered under a grey sheen, courtesy of the mist that was descending around them. It was still late afternoon, but the mist had started to make their pathfinding difficult.

Even their horses were spooked.

"Something's not right," Sir Elyan mumbled, trying to calm his horses and catch up with the rest of the group. "Are you all feeling it?"

Lancelot looked around, worry and sadness lined his face. "Something's definitely up. Sire, should we make a detour to Camelot instead?" He was feeling worried that the cause of this _wrongness_ was magical, and without Merlin, Lancelot was honestly worried they would be defenseless. With Merlin.... gone, the knight felt the need to protect the king, continuing on the noble work that Merlin usually did. His friend would have wanted that.

Arthur stared ahead. Something in his mind told him that he should go to the lake as quick as possible. He tightened his grip on Merlin's body that was positioned in front of him; his arm around the slender waist, and Merlin's head leaning limply on his shoulder. 

"How much further is the lake?"

"Should be just right after the next clearing, Sire."

"Let's make it through," Arthur commanded. "For Merlin," he added quietly. The knights echoed his statement and tried to ignore the unsettling feeling that steadily grew around them.

.

So they rode decisively through the trees and bushes, but still they could not ignore the way the woods seemed to _wither_ before their eyes. Just as they arrived at the clearing, a deep resonant sound of thunder rumbled in the sky, making it turn an ominous shade of purple. Arthur and his knights gaped at it for a moment.

"What is that? That looks....," Percival squinted as he tried to find the right word, ".. _angry_."

Arthur swallowed. Angry was a word to describe it. Unnatural. Weird. Freakish. _Magical._ He cradled the still form leaning on him, tenderly running his hand through the soft raven hair. He had a creeping feeling that this phenomenon had got something to do with Merlin.

"We need to get to the lake. Quickly," said Arthur, trusting the voice in his head for once - which, he belatedly thought, sounded suspiciously like Merlin's voice; _or perhaps he was just wishing so bad it was Merlin's._

And they were not a moment too late - for that was only the beginning of a series of thunders rattling the land, each clap sounding closer and closer to their location. The knights set off with determination toward their destination. To their dismay, the path was turning more difficult by the seconds. The mist was so heavy in the air, bringing about an air of despair and helplessness around them. The wind seemed to pick up and blew angrily around them, steadily growing in power. The trees somehow looked shriveled and aged as they passed them.

.

When Arthur and his knights reached the lake, they stopped short.

.

They were not alone.

* * *

The druids were always sensitive to magic. They walked the path of the Old Religion, living in tandem with nature and the earth, and all of them felt it when the magic of the earth _broke._

They might not understand the reason why - for a great many of them had not seen Emrys in the flesh - but they knew something had gone terribly wrong. The earth _cried_. Something that had shaken the foundations of magic itself. _Something that wasn't supposed to happen._

Those who had met Emrys, on the other hand, had a horrible suspicion of what happened, and they prayed to the Triple Goddess that their inkling was to be proven wrong. Still, they could feel the magic shifting, much more restless that it had ever been, and it was _angry_.

Every single druid in the land, whether those in hiding or those living in camps, knew the moment the world started to unravel due to the _break_ in magic. Those who were able immediately started to make the trip to the lake of Avalon, as they witnessed the freak storms appearing, the periodical quakes that rumbled through the ground, the shrivelling of nature in fear of magic's retribution, and the sky turning into a colour associated with death and destruction. A sign of things to come.

Therefore, there was a bunch of cloaked druids already on the shores of the lake when Arthur arrived. Some - who were powerful enough - were trying to speak to the raging nature, fruitlessly trying to calm them.

.

And they all stopped when they saw who had arrived to the scene.

.

* * *

There was an impasse as both parties gazed in surprise at one another.

.

The son of the late king who had ordered a genocidal purge toward their race, and all the druids who had taken the risk to come out of hiding to try to calm the nature threatening to destroy them all. All the while, great sounds of thunder claps rumbled around them against the backdrop of the ominous sky.

It was a picture worth of legends.

.

Arthur acted first. "We came in peace. We just want to....want to bring our friend here."

The king came down from his horse, followed by his knights, watched by all the wary eyes of the druids. He carefully cradled Merlin on his arms, turned Merlin a little in his arms as well so that his face was protected from their judging audience, in order to afford the young warlock a bit of his dignity. 

.

But it seemed that it was not enough to keep some in the crowd from gasping, and Arthur looked up when he heard the name "Emrys" being muttered aloud by some of the agitated druids. The king recognised a figure, the druid chieftain they had met before, quickly coming toward him.

Iseldir stared at the bundle in Arthur's arms with an expression akin to horror on his face.

"Arthur Pendragon, _what happened?_ Is that... _Emrys?"_

_._

_._

(to be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This fic keeps expanding, but don't worry, I already have its end in writing. Please just bear with me in the ride as we savour through each scene :')
> 
> This chapter is shorter than the previous two, but I feel it's the right place to cut it off. So, magic is angry and a possible apocalypse is at hand, and the druids got involved! I love writing the druids! 
> 
> I do hope the scene between Arthur and his knights are still in character. I do imagine Arthur as being the one who would grief silently but also deeply (like what he did after his father died), but Gwaine would be more explosive. He just quickly went through denial, then anger, and then despair. Lancelot, as always, is the level-headed one. 
> 
> As always, please tell me what you think in the reviews :') They do feed an author's soul <3


	4. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The druids tried to keep a magical apocalypse from happening while finding out what happened to "Emrys".  
> Arthur found himself working together with them to save Merlin.

Arthur Pendragon was honestly tired, very emotionally spent, and generally numb at the moment. He could still barely process the fact that Merlin... _sweet, innocent and goofy Merlin, equally exasperating and endearing as he stumbled into Arthur's life and made him question everything he's ever been taught... who was secretly a powerful sorcerer and has just saved their lives again at the cost of his own... who Arthur can't live without -HowIsHeSupposedToLiveNowThatMerlin'sGone...._

 _..._ that Merlin was just _gone_.

_._

No, he could not.

But Arthur was the king, and he had to remain composed for now, as he carried out Merlin's final wish. So he bit out the urge to scream to the heavens at the unfairness of it all.

... at the heavens which were currently reverberating with harsh thunders.

.

His instinct had told him that the forbidding tempest he was witnessing in front of his eyes was _magical_ in nature, but that was it. He was practically as blind as a newborn foal when it came to magic. He barely understood this whole Emrys business that Merlin had got going, much less why or how _his Merlin_ could possibly be related to this....freaky phenomenon of nature.

He just wished he had more time..... to understand, to listen, to get to know this side of Merlin he was never trusted with--that was what hurt the most a week back, but now, he _wished_ he had not let his hurt cloud his conscience. He already had more time, but he squandered it in favour of ignoring Merlin, cruelly shutting him out. He'd been given a chance to understand but he had thrown it away.

This was his punishment to deal with later, but for now...

.

Arthur might not completely understand what was happening but certainly, when the face of the usually-calm chieftain changed into horror, fear, and finally fury - _at him?_ \- this whole situation was about to become much worse.

" _What have you done?_ Please tell us Emrys is just hurt?"

_._

The crowd of druids behind the chieftain grew more and more restless; gasps of horror and whispers spreading like a bushfire. 

Arthur clutched Merlin in his arms protectively, feeling rattled by the druids' sudden hostility at them. 

What could he possibly say to them?

The king nearly took a step backward - before remembering who he was - when Iseldir rushed forward, his aging hand gently but firmly turned Merlin's head slightly, revealing his face to the crowd, and stroke his forehead almost reverently. His other hand snuck up to Merlin's chest, seemingly trying to feel for a heartbeat. Arthur waited for the inevitable result.

"By the goddess...," Iseldir breathed, his grave eyes met Arthur's. "Quick, we don't have much time."

.

"...what?"

"Emrys's mortal life force is still here, but only just," answered the druid cryptically. The hand on the top of Merlin's chest moved slightly and the man's eyes glittered with pale gold. "Magic is teetering on the the edge of the abyss. We have but a chance to fix it."

Arthur narrowed his eyes and took a step back, bringing Merlin out of the druid's grasp. What the hell did _that_ even mean? But surely, this...this.. _practitioner_ of magic wouldn't dare to imply...

"Do you understand what's happening here?" he growled. "Please, get out of my way."

"No, Arthur Pendragon," replied Iseldir, equally fierce. "It is _you_ who possesses no understanding of what is currently happening." Then, the elder's eyes softened. "Please, let us help Emrys."

"His _name_ was Merlin."

"Not to us." Iseldir's expression became even graver. "If you let him die, magic will die. Without magic, the world will unravel. This is why Emrys is not meant to die."

.

The wind howled agitatedly around them as the king slowly, and painfully, let a sliver of hope crept into his heart. He didn't dare to believe-he couldn't.. if this resolve let up, he would crumble in a second.

"I have let him die," Arthur said in a broken whisper. "I will not be let astray by a false hope."

Iseldir shook his head and without any warning, the druid grasped Arthur's shoulders, bringing them both down to a kneeling level. Startled, Arthur wrapped one arm around Merlin, leaning him on his shoulder, while the other arm reached for his sword; but before he could do that, Iseldir reached for the king's hand and firmly placed it on Merlin's chest, right above his heart.

" _Allinan his ēagan, alaetan hine hāwie."_

.

 _And then Arthur_ _sees._

_._

_._

Multi-coloured strings of lights filled the air as far as his eyes could see; they gathered particularly around some of the druids - yet curiously, not all - but still they were everywhere. Golds, reds, greens, purples, yellows, silvers, blues - all colours with varying degrees and intensity. The trees that surrounded them gleamed with pulsing auras of varying green, but their beauty was marred by some alarming black and dark red streaks that oozed around them. In fact, those foreboding streaks also distorted some of the light streaks, growing, pulsing, and flowing around them with an alarmingly rapid velocity.

These black and dark red streaks were falling in a downpour from the stormy skies above, slowly, yet steadily, consuming and twisting the other light pulses on the air. Among the crowd of druids, there were some sorcerers who still raised their arms in the air, standing on the edge of the lake. Some multi-coloured threads obeyed their commands and were locked in a battle of dominance against the black torrents, but they were slowly pushed back.

He was seeing magic. The undercurrent and inherent flow of ethereal energy that swirled, twisted, pulled, and pushed around them. The very fabric of the world.

.

Words failed him as his mouth fell open in equal wonder and terror, and then he looked down, and let out an awed gasp.

Arthur had expected something like the other sorcerers he'd just seen: their bodies naturally attracting those multi-coloured lights around them.

Not this.

Merlin was..... completely _enveloped within_ the energy, and it was pure gold. Furthermore, on closer inspection, the strands of light actually emanated from him, instead of being drawn from their surrounding.

.

Tentatively, Arthur felt for Merlin's face. His hand touched a solid cheek, but it was difficult to see with all the gold radiating around them.

"Now you see why we call him Emrys." Iseldir's voice suddenly jolted Arthur out of him out of his stupor. When Arthur looked up, he saw Iseldir staring at Merlin too.

"He is magic itself," murmured the elder druid with reverence.

.

There was a great disconnect as Arthur's mind sluggishly tried to reconcile the Merlin he knew with .... _this._ It was one thing to accept Merlin as a sorcerer. But... but if Merlin was magic, then...

"...he's still alive," Arthur voiced hoarsely, a suffocating sort of desperate hope logged in his throat. The hand that was cupping Merlin's cheek tried to feel around his warlock's face, looking, hoping against hope, for the beginning of a miraculous warmth seeping through.

"Tell me he's alive."

"The key to Emrys's mortal life is linked the Once and Future King. Arthur Pendragon, look."

Iseldir gestured at their hands that were still connected above Merlin's heart, and there was a streak of bright gold light that ran through their connected hands, starting from Merlin to both him and the druid chieftain. He traced the line with his eyes in wonder, focusing particularly on the one connecting him to Merlin. It ended on the space above his heart too, while the one connecting to Iseldir only stopped at his wrist.

"I am only helping to channel Emrys' magic at the moment, but you, King Arthur, are the Once and Future King. He is magic, and you were born of magic. You both have a connection beyond the veil of mortality. Only you can bring Emrys back."

.

"I'll do anything," Arthur whispered. There was a ringing in his ears. This was it. Fragile hope arose as he laid down all of the stakes he had. "Please tell me what I need to do. I'll give anything, everything."

Iseldir paused. "There's a possibility that we might fail and the magical backlash will immediately kill you."

"Do you think I care about that?" Arthur incredulously asked. "Just do whatever necessary to bring him back."

Iseldir scrutinised the king in a wary surprise. The guarded look he had been wearing dropped.

"I see the time of destiny is near." The druid chieftain surprisingly gave Arthur a small smile. "In a moment, I will transfer the entirety of this connection to you. Go look for him. Convince him to come back. If not, all else is lost--and please do hurry, King Arthur," urged the druid, displaying fear for the first time during their conversation.

Iseldir gestured to the swirling, corrupted black strands falling from the sky. "This world may not be able to withstand magic's retribution any much longer."

Arthur's vision suddenly flashed and suddenly, his vision dimmed out to normal--or so he initially thought, before he realised everything around him seemed frozen and grey-tinted, a great contrast to the colourful world he'd seen just before.

While blinking away the spots in his eyes, the king looked around in great confusion. Somehow, he was alone in this clearing, in a weird world flushed-out of its colour. Then, his mind registered one crucial detail.

.

Merlin. He was not holding Merlin anymore.

.

Due to almost panicking, Arthur almost missed the bright gold string - the only thing that could be considered colourful in this environment - whose endpoint was still hovering above his chest. The other endpoint should connect him to Merlin, so...

Arthur traced the line with his eyes, noting that it dispersed to a faint smattering of golden dust on the ground, and then another a few feet away, and one more some distance away.

Almost like an uneven trail.

.

 _Typical of Merlin to leave glittering golden sprinkles in his wake like a girl,_ a part of his mind thought, and he felt a momentary rush of sad affection, almost making him lightheaded by its intensity.

Heart pounding, the warrior followed the trail quickly, and soon it led him an alcove right on the bank of the lake - or the version of the lake that existed in this grey world.

A figure sat on the ground; and although he was facing away from Arthur, the king would recognise _him_ anywhere.

.

.

His breath caught.

_"....Merlin?"_

.

* * *

"...Arthur? What-"

That was as far as Merlin could say before Arthur ran and engulfed him in a tight hug. All of a sudden, there were fingers cradling his hair, and something wet fell on his head.

"...oh, Arthur," whispered Merlin, although heavily muffled by how hard his king was squeezing him.

.

_Merlin is alive._

_Oh Gods, Merlin is alive_ , that was the only thought that was running over and over in Arthur's mind, his body trembling with the force of his emotions. He clutched his servant's head to his chest, rather desperately, running his fingers through that messy mop of dark hair. Two slender arms hugged him back, just as tightly and fiercely, and he let out a dry sob, overwhelmed by the simple fact that he could feel Merlin not limp and not _lifeless_ anymore.

However...

Arthur let Merlin go slightly, though his hands still grasping his shoulders, in order to properly look at him. There were wetness around the warlock's eyes too, and a subdued smile graced his lips, but Merlin's expressive eyes were peering at Arthur in sadness.

They were not also blue at the moment.

.

"Your eyes...," Arthur couldn't help but say. "They're-you're youMerlin, right? I mean not Emrys or-"

"I am also Emrys, dollophead," said Merlin, cutting off Arthur's fumbling. His eyebrow twitched in slight amusement.

_Oh, that is his Merlin alright._

Arthur huffed. "You know that's not what I meant. Just had to make sure I'm talking to _you_ you. I know you're forgetful on your best days, _Mer_ lin, but surely-"

"-Arthur.. why are you here?" Merlin suddenly asked softly. "You're not dead, are you? _Please tell me you're not dead._ " The servant's arms reached out to grip the king's agitatedly. 

"Merlin- _Merlin_ , calm down _,_ " said Arthur fondly at his ridiculous servant. He stroke Merlin's shoulders gently to calm the panic in those brilliantly gold eyes. "What the hell are you talking about? Obviously, I'm alive-and so are you! Come on, we've dallied too long, so let us return home. You do know how to get us out of this place and back to the kingdom, don't you, Merlin?"

.

Merlin was shaking his head at him. "Arthur...," the warlock whispered faintly. "I'm not..."

"-don't finish that. Don't you dare-"

"-No, Arthur! I'm not alive! This place isn't meant for anyone living." Merlin's eyes hardened and he suddenly became determined. "You are not supposed to die so I've got to get you out of here. Somehow."

"Then get us _both_ out of here. Where is 'here' anyway?"

"I just told you, a place not meant for anyone living," Merlin, said rather grumpily, his nose scrunching adorably. _Curse him._

It might have worked before when Arthur was embarrassingly oblivious, but he was currently on high alert on all things Merlin, so he immediately detected an alarmingly frequent tactic Merlin had used to evade telling him the full truth.

"Merlin," Arthur put his hands on the sides of Merlin's face in exasperation. "What are you not telling me?"

The warlock averted his eyes, and Arthur tried not to let himself distracted by their dazzling luminosity. "Sorry, I-...Umm, I don't even know what this place is?"

Merlin's cheeks under his hands reddened, and Arthur resisted yet another urge to just kiss this man senseless. No one should be this endearing, especially with those golden eyes which could cause death in an instant and made the voice in his head which sounded like his father shout angry warnings - that Arthur viciously squashed - and which were incredibly irresistible and sexy to behold at the same time..

_Wait._

.

He settled for rolling his eyes instead.

" _Mer-_ lin.."

"Well, I thought I would have ended up in Avalon," Merlin continued, speaking quickly. "But this definitely isn't Avalon, so I assumed it's maybe some in-between place I'm somehow stuck in. How'd you even get in here?" The warlock's eyes narrowed, "Wait, don't tell me you managed to get yourself killed just days after I'm gone? Were it days-weeks-or months? I don't know how time works here compared to real world, but Gods, Arthur, seriously?" Merlin fixed him that characteristic exasperated stare. "I know keeping you alive is hard work, but must you be such a complete _turnip head_ and throw your life away carelessly? Great, now I need to find that cup of life in this hellscape on top of _everything_ , or find some other way to bring you back to the living world-because you _are not_ supposed to die, prat, d'you hear me? Just because I'm dead and my magic's gone doesn't mean they can stop me from protecting you, I swear to-"

Merlin's rant was stopped by Arthur's hand on his mouth.

.

"Merlin, just...shut up.." Arthur trailed off, his mouth traitorously curving up in a smile and his eyes watering. The familiarity of this exchange hit him with the force of a galloping mare and to think that he almost lost this forever, having to go on with his life without his big-mouthed, ridiculously protective and insulting at the same time, endearing, and exasperatingly selfless idiot - who Arthur was completely besotted with...

"I didn't get myself killed, you hopeless idiot," Arthur said with a fond smile. "The druids sent me here to retrieve _you_. You're the idiot who got yourself killed even though the druids said you're not supposed to die. Well, they're right. Never do as you're told, don't you, Merlin?"

The warlock made soft sounds of protest, considering Arthur's hand was still covering his mouth. Arthur let his hand dropped to Merlin's shoulder. Merlin stared at him, his gold eyes wide in incredulity, and then there was relief, followed by confusion.

"Are you... are you crying?" Merlin's fingers were now on his face, tentatively trying to wipe away his tears. A gesture that inadvertently brought Arthur back to Merlin's last act before his death. "Arthur, why are you crying?"

.

Arthur gave in to his emotions and gently pressed his lips to Merlin's. There was a sound of surprise from the warlock, and Arthur quickly pulled back. He stared at Merlin worriedly.

"Merlin, I..."

"You kissed me," the raven whispered in sad wonder and disbelief, and Arthur could see tears also forming in those wide, ethereal eyes. 

"I apologise if I misread-"

Arthur suddenly got an armful of Merlin as the warlock leaned forward and kissed him back sweetly.

.

.

As far as their first kiss went, it was pretty clumsy, but it was emotional and passionate as Arthur latched into his warlock, gently cradling the raven-haired man and never ever wanting to let him go anymore.

.

And it ended too short, because suddenly Merlin jerked back, alert. His eyes were fixed on a spot in the greyed-out woods fearfully.

.

"Arthur, we need to hide. They're coming again."

"What-who?"

"The shadows," said Merlin, still staring at the spot, while trying to pull up Arthur alongside him. "They-they've been chasing me since I got here. I need to find you a way out."

"No! We're going out together."

Suddenly, a roar was heard from the woods. It was disconcerting because the sound broke the utter silence that had existed in the environment, with only Merlin and Arthur the two beings inhabiting it.

Merlin turned to him, his eyes wide in fear - something that Arthur realised he rarely saw before all of this. "You've got to run and hide. I don't have my magic but I can distract them into chasing me. Please, Arthur."

.

"What? You don't have your magic?" Arthur asked in confusion. "But-your eyes are gold! And you are magic-how is it possible to lose your magic?"

"I don't know why my eyes are gold and I'm sorry," answered Merlin sadly. He was now looking at Arthur earnestly. "Something about this place brought it out but they-they shouldn't matter, right? If-if it'll make you feel better, I wish they weren't gold too." 

_What? No, no, no he's got it all wrong._

Merlin then grasped at his arms desperately, speaking quickly before giving Arthur time to respond to _that_. "Listen to me. Me not having magic after coming here... you being able to look at me as if-as if I'm not a _monster_ since I finally don't have magic anymore... and even loving me." The warlock let out a bittersweet sob although he gave Arthur a smile, so brilliant in its pure and simple happiness. "That's all I ever want, Arthur. This feels like-like a dream come true for me, but all dreams must come to an end, don't they? Thank you.... _for everything_. Now go, please, my king. Save yourself. Let me just do this one thing _right._ "

.

.

Arthur's world came crashing down as he stared disbelievingly - and in a gradually-dawning _horrified_ understanding - at Merlin, who was still looking at him tearfully with that heartbreakingly earnest face.

Merlin, who assumed that Arthur was willing to love him only if he lost his magic.

Merlin, who was never told any better that he, Arthur, had completely and unquestionably accepted his magic.

Merlin, who was made to feel like a monster after Arthur's initial refusal of his magic.

Merlin, who was happy that he lost his magic even though Merlin was supposed to be magic himself according to the druids--all for Arthur's sake.

Merlin, who was all too-willing to sacrifice himself for Arthur _again._

.

_._

Arthur was the king, but all he wanted to do now was to fall on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

(to be continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstanding. So much of misunderstanding. Welp, Merlin got his wish of losing his magic from the first chapter, and Arthur finally putting the pieces together :"D Be careful what you wish for, eh, Merlin.
> 
> I can't spoil the place where Arthur and Merlin are in.. yet, since it will all be explained in the next chapter. Although, there are some clues that I've already planted on this chapter. You're welcome to guess though :p
> 
> Hope you're still with me enjoying the ride! I've tried to tie up all the loose ends together, and this chapter ended up surprisingly challenging. There's a lot of revisions needed to be done - hence the delay. I do apologise for that :') 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think, even if it's just a very short one-word greeting :) We authors really do appreciate every scrap of feedback we can get :')

**Author's Note:**

> Cheers!  
> PS: my twitter handle is @lenastiel, so if you're on twitter, feel free to add and DM me! We can squee about Merl together!


End file.
